“In LA, your dream can come true!”

Evening campers, and hello from LA!

(Bonus points to anyone who came name where the title of this update comes from - looking at you, Josie!)

So since I left you last night, a lot has happened, with very little sleep in between! Currently existing on specifically 3 hours sleep. I look horrendous and I’m getting through cover-up by the bucketload. However I did pop to a pharmacy today to stock up on melatonin so my sleep is happening tonight, no matter what! 

So after I left you, I sat stage-side and watched The Who for a bit! I’ll be honest, my knowledge of The Who is largely based on the song “My Generation” which I know solely from Shrek, when Shrek and Donkey have the fight with the knights in front of Lord Farquard. I’m not ashamed of this, but I’m just giving you my frame of reference. 

Anyway, they were absolutely amazing. They had a huge orchestra and it was breathtaking. I sat on my mixer box happy as Larry, sipping my gin and lemonade, and having a lovely time. I’m hoping to catch a whole show at some point so I’ll get some piccies for you all. 

Post-show, we sat in the dressing room and I drank half a pint of wine from a plastic cup. I would have stayed on the gin, but if I’m perfectly honest I added sparkling water to my gin instead of lemonade and the taste was horrendous. The green can was very misleading. It looked like a 7up. Stupid America. 

I also snaffled as much as I could from the rider table, because it’s still a total novelty to me and free chocolate is never a bad thing. The rest of the crew hit the wine and gin, but I successfully bagged a packet of honey BBQ crisps and I felt like the real winner there.. 

From this we moved on to downtown San Fran, into a blues bar which was hosted by a real life Hells Angel. As exciting as that sounds, he was really rude and also used the ladies toilet, so I was judging real hard. He informed me that San Fran has declassified all toilets, so that’s why he was exercising the right, but I reckon he was just a sit down wee-er, and didn’t want to admit it. 

From there we moved to a super cute little bar that was very photogenic. We had a couple of drinks there until our tummies reminded us they needed attending to (plus Bertie had drunk to the point that his lazy eye had wondered off and another guy was legitimately asleep in his chair) - so avoiding the strip clubs on the way (“couples discount tonight! Come on in!”) we found a pizza slice shop and munched our way through a few (a lot) of slices before Uber-ing home. 

I then had my brilliant quality three hour sleep, waking at 5 and feeling absolutely fuming. 

I then managed to wake Bertie at 7, and we headed out for breakfast. Today I was a little more savvy at avoiding the egg-fest, and decided on an avocado, bacon and pepper jack cheese grilled sandwich. It was equally obscene and amazing. Bertie had another chorizo mess. Chorizo is still not a breakfast item. 

What I will say about San Francisco is that the meth problem is rife. I have never seen so many people absolutely cracked out of their head. All with no shoes, tremors and constant chat - it’s not unlike some kind of zombie take over. I’m sure there must be something in it that keeps them going back, but in all honesty I just felt like I was surrounded by people who might suddenly come up to me to sniff my hair. 

Not cool, San Fran, not cool. 

Anyway, escaping away from the methy clutches of San Fran I went, heading to the always sunny LA! We got a big old superstar shuttle bus to the airport, and I tried really hard to act like I was totally used to having blacked and windows and USB plugs in the walls everywhere I travelled. As a result of my super cool persona, the photos are shit. Sorry about that. 

I then trailed behind the band and crew super close and managed to blag my way through priority searches, and into the American Airlines lounge. I was less cool there. I’ll hold my hands up to that. I get very excited by a free drink and any kind of free snack so I totally went to town. There was some kind of onion pretzel that wasn’t actually very nice, but obviously it was complimentary so I ate a bowl out of principal. I’m no quitter. 

The flight was good, apart from the fact I was sat next to some talkative lady. I gestured gently at my preloaded film (Twilight: New Moon, no shame here) and put in my earplugs as quick as I could. They gave me free pretzels and a coke. Delicious, and only 49 minutes in the air. Would fully recommend American Air, except their overhead lockers were curved and my square suitcase had a job fitting in. Proper first world problems going on here. 

So once we arrived, we had another journey in a large blacked out vehicle. I’m not going to lie to you, my lovely readers, I disco napped the whole way, and Bertie took this incredibly flattering photo of me for you all to enjoy. I feel like every sensible woman should keep an eye mask and ear plugs in her purse at all times, and I have no problem admitting they served me well at this (very attractive) time in my life.

We have now arrived at the hotel - although I did ask to swap rooms to the fifth floor rather than the eleventh (Bertie was ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED that I did this - read: seriously pissed off) as my fear of lifts is real, but the room is seriously good, with a solid 8/10 rating. Minus two because of the lack of a bath, but it’s a beautiful room, with a serious view, and a rainfall shower. We are also on the same level as the heated outdoor rooftop pool, so with a predicted forecast of 31 degrees tomorrow, I am absolutely buzzing to get my pale white body out for all the Americans to enjoy. 

I’m finishing this blog off now at a suitably “hip and cool” street feast style venue that I had to walk through a fridge to get in to. I wish that was a joke. I took a journey through a SMEG fridge like I was bloody Dr Who in his tardis. Only instead of time travel on the other side, there was quesadillas and vodka lemonades. 

Cross all your fingers and toes that I sleep tonight please!

Keli xxxx